Motionless

So the talentless and clueless suck-up, Andrew "Bowel" Motion, has decided to give up being poet laureate.

Good.

He seems only to have got the job in the first place thanks to Tony Blair's assumption that homophobic middle England would not countenance the appointment of a better qualified lesbian, Carol Ann Duffy.

Now that he has resigned/retired, you would think that Ms Duffy would get the nod and her odds of replacing him are 11/10 on William Hill.

Worst bet in the world - she doesn't have a hope.

Simon Armitage used to be a rebel with a fine ear for language. His work has become increasingly bloated and derivative over the years. He's a heterosexual white male.

In other words, he's the perfect candidate to replace Andrew Motion.

Put your money on him at 5/2 and when he wins, treat yourself to a copy of "Rapture" by Carol Ann Duffy with the winnings.