Difficult Third Album

If you listen to Portishead's latest album "Third" enough times it stops being annoying and starts haunting your dreams and taking up residence in your head. "8" was the number of repetitions I needed. I really, really didn't like it first time through.

Portishead produced what I believe is a perfect album, "Dummy", in 1994. It sold in the millions, was hugely influential and won a Mercury Prize. The tracks from this album are everywhere even today - you will know the songs even if you never bought the album. As an example, the trailers for the Radio 4 afternoon play this week used the gorgeous, bittersweet "Roads".

So, not bad for a first album. Where do you go from there ?

Well, you keep the magical voice of Beth Gibbbons and you keep and intensify the eclectic sonic experimentation.

If I were to write my own track in their new style, I'd need :-

* A peacock
* A 1980s computer game
* A sample of a New Order bass figure
* A String Quartet playing slow arpeggios with lots of diminished and augmented fifths and cadences that never resolve.

Then I'd need a sadistic Sound Engineer to mix in chalk-on-blackboard and crying babies noises.

It's never less than interesting and is often quite brilliant, but I really don't see it as an achievement on the scale of their first album. Maybe I just need to listen to it another eight times.

Warning : It is also VERY bleak and dark, so if you're working 12 hour days on a difficult thankless project that you really can't see the end of, you should have plenty of perky music by the Scissor Sisters and E.L.O on stand-by. Although there is pleasure to be had in listening to melancholy music when you're down - Mahler would never have made a living otherwise.

Check out Bill Bailey's pastiche version of "Zippedy Doo Dah" in the style of Portishead and tell me whether he's a fan or a critic.

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Yeah, yeah, I really need to get round to this "Mad Men" review I keep promising.

Mixed Marriage

Somehow the Stan Household manages to survive being composed of an Atheist Dad, a Christian Mum and a Christian Daughter.

To listen to Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, the Archbishop of Westminster, you'd think this was a rare, nay freak state of affairs. So much so, that he has felt the need to remind Christians to respect Atheists. Was the previous policy to hunt them with dogs ?

It was interesting to listen to him on Radio 4 this morning, well after Richard Dawkins did his piece. The Cardinal is not the greatest of speakers and he uses the lamest sound bites and clichés ... er ... "at the drop of a hat".

I have a few questions :-

1. What is this "deep esteem" he mentions that I should start to expect to receive from Catholics, and could I have the cash instead ?
2. What are the chances that the UK could become a "God-free zone" ? A few big-mouthed bolshie atheists against the Creator of All sounds like a mis-match to me.
   
3. Why does he always describe Atheists as "non-believers" ? Atheists believe - just not in the same thing as the Cardinal.
4. Exactly which "people are afraid to express their religious beliefs in the UK" ?
5. Exactly which "many people" are suffering from "a sense of being in a sort of exile from faith-guided experience." ? And what in the name of Baal is he talking about ?

I can only think he point-blank refused to go head-to-head on the radio with Richard Dawkins, who has a once-in-a-lifetime mind and a considerable talent for aggressive iconoclasm. Or maybe he just didn't want to stay in the room with someone who would compare his God to an "Imaginary Friend". I can't help thinking he's a bit short on "Deep Esteem" for Atheists if he won't debate with them. Check out Rabbi Shmuley Boteach versus Christopher Hitchens on YouTube - I'm sure the Cardinal could pick up some pointers.

I say No to drugs, but the drugs don't listen...

We should find some sort of award for Nicky Taylor who, in making the programme "Should I Smoke Dope ?" (shown on BBC3 recently), made it a part of her job to go to Amsterdam and hang around smoking dope and eating cake.

You may remember she is also the person who made it a part of her job on previous occasions to go binge-drinking, have a tummy-tuck and fail to wash for a month. Not typical behaviour for a 40-something single mum from Kidderminster but hardly cutting-edge journalism. Managed to upset the Daily Mail though, which is usually a good sign.

If there's anyone reading this who has influence in commissioning programmes for digital TV, I urgently need to talk to you about developing some ideas where I investigate the effects of living in a big house, driving a selection of big cars and eating in fancy restaurants every night. My working title is "Could I have more money than sense (please) ?"

I'm just hellish jealous - firstly that she thought of it first, but also because she is rather good at it. She's a real character - scatty, flirtatious, clever and very funny. Can't wait to see what she does next.

Oh, and the shock answer to the question "Should I Smoke Dope?" turned out be to "Heck, No !". Even if it were legal (and it isn't) you should especially not do it regularly or you'll perforate your lungs and melt your brain. The stuff on sale in the UK is particularly not recommended because of quality issues and the fact that you're probably bankrolling organised criminals.

Stan says "Just Say No, Kids"

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Another excellent episode of "Mad Men" last night - but, alas, no time to do it justice here. Maybe next time.

Don't mention the "R" word

I'm not certain whether I pity or envy the fans of highly successful football clubs. There's something about the end-of-season relegation battle that makes your blood pump, your mind race and your bottom-hole flutter. Very stimulating.

With their deep squads of top players, the big teams never have worry about getting relegated, falling into a death-spiral into the lower leagues and liquidation. Their fans never need worry that they'll have to find their way to Gillingham and Yeovil on a Saturday afternoon. I mention Gillingham and Yeovil because these were Leeds United's most recent opponents, only seven years after they were playing Valencia in the Champions League semi-finals.

Football under the circumstances Bolton find themselves in is much less about about skill and a lot more about nerve, heart, and not too put too fine a point on it ... "balls".

The finest exponent of these qualities in today's Do-Or-Die game against Sunderland was El Hadji Diouf, who I have described before as the strongest man in British football. He's had to be - he grew up in a small village in Senegal, western Africa where he lived with his grandmother who had to sell bags of peanuts at the roadside to make ends meet.

Today he played with enormous heart and lack of nerve and he's going to be missed, because he's moving on. The phenomenon of your club's best players wanting to move on is also something the superpower-club fans don't need to worry about.

But anyway, enough of that : today was a total joy - the fans from both sides sang themselves hoarse in the sunshine and as a result of Diouf's goal and a bizarre Sunderland own-goal, it's 99% certain I'll be able watch Bolton play Manchester United and Chelsea next season rather than Blackpool and Swansea.

And I'm not in danger of needing to know my way to Gillingham or Yeovil any time soon.

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No time for the promised write-up on "Mad Men" again, but do watch it - it is very good indeed.

Still Busy, But Go On Then - Part Two

This has been another day during which I drove 400 miles down to London and back, so it's just possible I will slump forward over the keyboard before I finish slamming out this posting.

Humphrey Lyttleton was once described as "that cat in England who swings his ass off". By Louis Armstrong, no less. If you do nothing else this week, listen to "Bad Penny Blues" on YouTube. If you do so, you'll hear him saying that the piece did not exactly set the hit parade on fire in 1955. What he is (so typically) too modest to mention is that it was the first jazz music ever to appear in the UK Top 20. And could you name any that has made the Top 20 since 1955 ? Plus listen carefully to the piano part and hum "Lady Madonna" by The Beatles (written over a decade later).

He was arguably better known as a gifted comedian, who could deliver a line like he could blow a horn. No-one ever got so many laughs from the word "Hmmm?".

England is poorer country for his passing : I hope they put up a plaque in Mornington Crescent tube station.

OK - I'm tired now. "Mad Men" will have to wait for another time.