Brandon Muir

I wish I could write like Ian Bell of the Glasgow Herald.

But I can't.

So here's a link to his heart-felt examination of the killing of Brandon Muir in Dundee at the age of 23 months.

Says it all really.

Glutton for Punishment

Massive respect goes out to Yvonne Powell, a Wimbledon Magistrate, who has just completed a week wearing an electronic tag to get an insight into what it's like.

I'm sure I wouldn't enjoy the experience, not least because my weekday place of work is 4 hours drive from my weekend place of residence. I don't imagine even the mildest Magistrate sanctioning a curfew order that says that I need stay within 200 miles of my home between the hours of 7pm and 6am every day.

Maybe the next step is for a Magistrate to try an Unpaid Work Requirement, where they would have to spend a large amount of their spare time on tasks benefiting the community.

But we already do that - and we don't get those rather fetching luminous vests either.

In fact, what we do has many features that would seem to many like punishments.

• We spend our time locked in badly-maintained buildings.
  
• With lawyers.
  
• We can't wear comfortable clothing.

Must be the unconditional love and respect of the public promise of a laminated certificate for twenty years service that keeps us coming back. Or maybe just the biscuits.

Confident Prediction

There's a young guy called Nima Nourizadeh who has directed some of the best music videos of the last few years (Jamie T : "Salvador", Hot Chip : "Over and Over", Lily Allen : "Oh my God").

Most recently he won a barrel of awards for directing the Adidas "House Party" commercial

This latter piece is the most assured piece of short filmmaking I've seen for some time. He has an awesome visual sense and enormous flair. He even makes you forget that all these stars have come to a party to celebrate their originality by wearing the same brand of sports shoe. The choice of music is similarly inspired - a subtly re-mixed version of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons that Quentin Tarantino must be kicking himself for missing out on.

Which brings me to my confident prediction : one day, real soon, a major film studio will push a wheelbarrow-load of money this guy's way and he will make the best feature film of the second decade of the 21st Century.

You read it here first.

Courted

"Hello. Stan speaking."

"Yes, hello Stan. This is ...er ... never mind who this is. I represent a faction within the government of a Northern European country and we are setting up a 'Court of Public Opinion'.
Are you in ?"

"You mean a Court of Public Opinion like Harriet Harmon talked about yesterday ?"

"Yes, exactly so. Fancy it ?"

"How do you mean 'fancy it' ?"

"I mean drop your role in the silly old-fashioned criminal justice system and come be a judge in the Court of Public Opinion."

"I don't know what to say - I always thought The Court of Public Opinion was a figure of speech."

"No, no. We're totally serious. The idea is that should the government be unable to get the answer they want from the criminal justice system, they would be able to appeal to the CoPOp so that Justice could be done."

"Are you sure justice would be done ? It looks to me as though public opinion is pretty much ignored by any government unless it supports government policy. This is all about the Fred Goodwin pension scandal isn't it ?"

"Er .. among other things."

"Well, I'm sure Public Opinion is all in favour of him being tarred and feathered, but Public Opinion is also very much against throwing trillions of their money at the banks. And having troops in Iraq. Would the CoPOp be allowed to have those policies set aside?"

"Well ... in the fullness of time ... on a going forward basis ... taking each case on its own merits..."

"Don't bother. So who have you got so far as judges in the court of Public Opinion ?"

"Sharon Osborne. Torville and Dean. Len Goodman. Sir Andrew Lloyd-Webber. But that's beside the point - we first need to reassure ourselves that you have the right stuff for the court. If you were a judge on the Court of Public Opinion, what would you say about the Fred Goodwin case ?"

"Well I'd say that it's dangerous to choose what laws we obey and what contracts we honour. I'd say a big mistake was made here which must never be allowed to be made again, but fundamentally, even though I hope it chokes him, he gets to keep his money.

... Hello .... Hello ?!"

[[dial tone]]

So, you want to be a Magistrate - Part II

The witness/victim is the landlady of a pub that is the source of a fair percentage of the court's workload. She is slight and middle-aged, but with a formidable strength of character.

The wooden top of the witness box is at just the right height to resemble a bar, and she leans over into the court, very much at ease, as if she were holding forth at her pub.

She tells the story of a closing-time scuffle, and her account rings true and she easily and good humouredly deals with the defence solicitor's attempts to attack her and her story. I can clearly see why her pub is so popular.

This defence solicitor then has the unenviable task of convincing us that this woman, for no good reason, decided to insult and assault a bunch of well-known psychos in her pub.

It is of course possible that this happened, but we found enough evidence to be sure "beyond reasonable doubt" that she did nothing of the kind. We dealt out some punishment to the psycho-in-chief and it felt good to be part of a process that protected a local businesswoman and punished a local thug.

It's that feeling that makes it all worthwhile for me. If you believe that justice should be done and you care about your community, sign-up to become a Magistrate here.

But make sure you read Part I of this tale. Both events happened to me on the same day. It's not always rewarding, but it's not always depressing either.

If you are thinking of applying, you need to know that this job has extremes and you have to be prepared to take it all.

Or as Judge Turner said in the much-quoted Shippey case :

"You can't pick out the Plums and leave the Duff behind."