Even Better Writing

I've been reading P.G Wodehouse's "Jeeves" books. Utter perfection. You look at the prose and can see no single word that is surplus or replaceable. He has a remarkable skill for painting pages of description in a sentence. Here are two examples - I have a few thousand others.

'Yes, sir,' said Jeeves in a low, cold voice, as if he had been bitten in the leg by a personal friend.

...

I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.

I am however puzzled as to why there is not one sympathetic female character. In Wodehouse/Wooster's world, all women are either :

(a) young , stupid and pretty
(b) young, intelligent and nagging
(c) old, stupid and nagging.

I'd be interested to know whether Wodehouse was really a sexist or whether he's just reflecting Bertie Wooster's distorted Weltanschauung (always wanted to use that word in a sentence).

The Master-Butler relationship would seem on the face of it to belong to history, but I find that the Client-Consultant relationship is remarkably similar. I won't elaborate further in case any of my Clients are reading this and take offence. None intended, Sirs.

Good Writing

The annoying thing about Formula One motor-racing is that it's the guy in the best car that wins. The competing format known as A1GP "World Cup of Racing" is more interesting because all teams drive what is basically the same car, so you have a chance to find out who the best driver is.

I still wouldn't watch a race, because I can't get excited about watching people drive quickly and repeatedly round the block.

Anyway, it's "Doctor Who" I want to talk about. Like A1GP, all the writers on the series have basically the same materials at their disposal. Same characters, same special effects department, and the same limited actors. It means it's possible to see just how good a writer Steve Moffat is.

There have been some turgid ho-hum episodes in the last few series. Last year's Christmas Special was a total disgrace, and the recent Big-Wasp-Nearly-Ate-Agatha-Christie episode was too daft even to drop down a division and become a "Torchwood" script.

In the hands of Steve Moffat though, these base materials are spun into gold. Every episode he has written has been nominated for prizes, because he creates unforgettable visuals, amazing dialogue and, most importantly, he enriches the characters, After a Steve Moffat episode, The Doctor has learned, The Doctor is more complex and interesting. You learn more about the man, who in the hands of other writers is just a cipher with a stupid grin and a magic box.

Moffat is obviously a big techie too - in the last series , he used the idea of "Easter Eggs" as a plot device; in the most recent episode he uses the idea of "Spoilers".

Speaking of "Spoilers", I won't spoil the plot if you haven't watched it yet. But there are big ideas, a neat plot twist and it turns out the Doctor enjoys the recreational use of handcuffs, which will no doubt launch a million fan-fiction stories.

Steve Moffat will become the chief writer on Doctor Who in 2010 and he's scripting a TRILOGY of "Tintin" films for Stephen Spielberg and Peter Jackson.

Whoopee !!

Be Careful What You Wish For

A big brown "Private and Confidential" envelope hit the mat at Stan Manor this morning.

I have survived a long and convoluted process and subject to a Criminal Records Bureau background check and a nod from the Lord Chancellor, I'm to become one of 30,000 lay Magistrates, with a bewildering range of responsibilities for administering justice in my part of the world.

As a result, I've spent the day oscillating between panic and anticipation and walking around pretending I'm Judge Dredd :

" I am the law! Put down your weapons and prepare to be judged." [[Points imaginary blaster at imaginary scumbag and opens fire "Ker-Powww !"]]

I definitely will have to snap out of that.

The definitive magistrate's blog is Bystander, which is required reading for those wanting to know what's really going on in the English criminal justice system. If I ever mention anything however indirectly about my new job on this blog, I will definitely be following his protocol :-

Where his views differ from the letter of the law, he will enforce the letter of the law because that is what he has sworn to do. If you think that you can identify a particular case from one of the posts you are wrong. Enough facts are changed to preserve the truth of the tale but to disguise its exact source.

Further bulletins as events warrant.

Four Times Round the World

If you thought I was joking about having a party because my car has done 100,000 miles ...

The Stan Clan get into the Cava and the "Rocky Road"

2002 Seat Toledo, excellent motorway muncher, but the cup holders aren't suitable for wine glasses.

Viva el coche diesel grande y estupido !

The title refers to my big stupid Spanish diesel car which is about to pass 100,000 miles on the mileometer.

We obviously don't have enough children or pets, because we are set to celebrate this milestone with a themed food party. So far on the menu we have Rocky Road and Cava (car-va : geddit ??). Any other suggestions gratefully received.

VW Audi Group positioned the Toledo as being a rally car to rival the Subaru Imprezza or the Mitsubishi Evo.

In Their Dreams ...

It was obvious even to car dunce like me that it was actually a No-Logo rip-off of the Audi A4 with tackier trim, for way less money and no amount of marketing could change that. More recently Seat have panicked and relaunched the Toledo as a mad MPV that really doesn't know what it is. I guess the VAG Group thought one "Big Stupid Cheap Diesel" (the Skoda Octavia) was enough.

I don't care much for labels although I'm sure Audi drivers don't have to improvise velcro strips to keep the glovebox shut and their cars probably flood through the door seals slightly less often.


***

In other news, nothing really has enough detail at the moment for me to turn into a full blog posting - "Scrappy Days", as Beckett might have put it. One of the following may come back at a later date :-

• Steve Moffat's Doctor Who script "Silence in the Library" = Wow ! Scary, intelligent, funny, atmospheric. Proves that Doctor Who isn't just for the kids. A massive improvement on the Giant Wasp Nearly Ate Agatha Christie episode that preceded it.
  
• A newly-discovered Vonnegut piece about the Dresden bombing in the Sunday Times
• We bought a bread machine and are OD'ing on carbs
  
• I'm brushing up my C++
  

I could whine about how little I'm enjoying Work at the moment but I don't think anyone would enjoy that very much.

Quick, finish with a joke :-

A mugger pulls his gun and sticks it in a man's back and says, "Give me your money!"

The man turns and would you believe it, it's Gordon Brown, who growls : "You cannot do this, I'm the Prime Minister!"

The thief thinks for a moment ... "In that case, give me my money!"