Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.
I had a moment of clarity during a fiery Brick Lane curry tonight.
Boris Johnson (who is responsible for the quotation above) is Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Mr. Beeblebrox is a major character in Douglas Adams' "Hitchhiker" books. He is a two-headed, exhibitionistic, ego-maniac with an unshakable faith in his own coolness.
He is also President of the Galaxy, which sounds impressive, but the Book makes clear that
The purpose of the president of the galaxy is not to exercise power, it is to distract attention from the people who are really exercising power.
Zaphod, with his gift for shameless self-publicity, is the most successful President ever as the media are constantly chasing him, leaving the people who really run the galaxy to get on with it in peace.
I can see Boris being just such a Major of London. You just know he'll make radical speaking howlers, have sex with people he shouldn't and put forward surreal policies. Anything else that happens in London that's less interesting (but more important) is likely to relegated to the inside pages.
Vote Stan. You know it makes sense.