The Stan household have spent the last week stomping around the house, periodically climbing onto soap boxes and railing at each other against the despicable coalition's raid on the higher education budget. Join the demonstrators at the barricades? Not a chance - it's cold out there and I'm allergic to being beaten about the face and neck by police batons.
Here's an idea for some alternative cuts that can be made :-
* Trident (£16.8m per missile)
* Royal Family (£38.2m per year)
* Magistrates' Biscuits (£198.6m per year - excluding bourbons)
There are much saner ways of saving £200m than castrating the higher education budget. The diverse problems we are going to face over the next few decades are going to need a diverse bunch of educated people to solve them. Not just one or two rich kids.
I really hope that I don't have to talk to any politicians in the next month or so - I'm just so angry with them all right now. I'm afraid that one of the LiConDem politicians is going to show up on my doorstep selling a message of progressive big society and I'm going to attempt to beat them to death with their own smug-gittiness.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
A house carrying a ukulele
I'm indebted to the Guardian for tipping me off about Israel Kamakawiwoʻole - who for obvious reasons will be referred to as "Iz" in the rest of this piece.
It's an amazing story - told best here at the Honolulu Advertiser - of a recording engineering in Honolulu being called at 02:30 by a polite traditional Hawaiian musician with a burning desire to do some recording that night.
Iz turns up with his ukulele - the recording engineer gets him a chair strong enough to support his massive frame - and in an half a hour he has laid down a set of songs, including a version of "Over the Rainbow" that will make you wonder whether Judy Garland really knew what she was doing.
That's "Over the Rainbow" ! Voted song of the 20th century by everyone who matters - it's the defining soundtrack for infinitely painful longing to be in a better place you can almost taste at a time of suffering. I'm sure at any given moment since 1939, someone somewhere on Earth was singing that song. And yet this giant decided that he had something new to add that couldn't wait for morning.
It's a far from polished performance, with liberties taken with the tune and pronunciation, but what extraordinary intensity! Hear it here - it could be the highlight of your week.
Unfortunately Iz died from weight-related respiratory problems at a tragically young age so we're robbed of getting to know him better. I'm convinced that it's impossible to sing like that and not be a totally wonderful person. It would be a twisted world if you could fake that degree of humanity.
Oh, and it's been number one in Germany since October - wouldn't it be a better Christmas Number One here in Britain instead of the usual plastic R'n'B X-Factor android? Hint, hint.
It's an amazing story - told best here at the Honolulu Advertiser - of a recording engineering in Honolulu being called at 02:30 by a polite traditional Hawaiian musician with a burning desire to do some recording that night.
Iz turns up with his ukulele - the recording engineer gets him a chair strong enough to support his massive frame - and in an half a hour he has laid down a set of songs, including a version of "Over the Rainbow" that will make you wonder whether Judy Garland really knew what she was doing.
That's "Over the Rainbow" ! Voted song of the 20th century by everyone who matters - it's the defining soundtrack for infinitely painful longing to be in a better place you can almost taste at a time of suffering. I'm sure at any given moment since 1939, someone somewhere on Earth was singing that song. And yet this giant decided that he had something new to add that couldn't wait for morning.
It's a far from polished performance, with liberties taken with the tune and pronunciation, but what extraordinary intensity! Hear it here - it could be the highlight of your week.
Unfortunately Iz died from weight-related respiratory problems at a tragically young age so we're robbed of getting to know him better. I'm convinced that it's impossible to sing like that and not be a totally wonderful person. It would be a twisted world if you could fake that degree of humanity.
Oh, and it's been number one in Germany since October - wouldn't it be a better Christmas Number One here in Britain instead of the usual plastic R'n'B X-Factor android? Hint, hint.
Monday, December 06, 2010
Nightmare
"I'm a real nightmare with administration - I get into SUCH a mess (nervous giggle)"
The defendant was trying to explain why she hadn't responded to a request to identify who was driving her car when it was photographed jumping a red light.
The chairman was being infinitely patient - but he was being tested by her habit of cutting him off before he had managed half a sentence. She was obviously nervous in court, but this was obviously pretty typical behaviour for her.
"I got two of these through in the same week and I responded to the speeding one so I thought they would take the same details for the red light one"
"But you got a reminder - didn't you realise something ... ?"
"No - I don't really read it properly - I know I should have - like I say, I'm a NIGHTMARE (really nervous giggle)"
"I'm afraid 'being a nightmare' isn't an adequate defence. Your problem now is that the 6 points we have to impose for this offence will take you to 12 ..."
"No - I've only got 3 points so far ... haven't I ?"
"I regret that DVLA records show you have 6 point so far - 3 for defective tyres and 3 for speeding."
"Oh - I just thought there was a fine and not any points - I think .... I didn't really ..."
(completing the sentence in my head) ... didn't really read the fines notices properly because I'm a nightmare
"I'm afraid that we will have to arrange another session to discuss the ban - it is possible that you can claim 'Exceptional Hardship' - I'm assuming you need your car for work ?"
"Oh yes, I'm a nurse"
Yeek ! She doesn't read forms and she's rotten at administration and she gives powerful drugs to sick people.
Now, that's what I call a nightmare.
The defendant was trying to explain why she hadn't responded to a request to identify who was driving her car when it was photographed jumping a red light.
The chairman was being infinitely patient - but he was being tested by her habit of cutting him off before he had managed half a sentence. She was obviously nervous in court, but this was obviously pretty typical behaviour for her.
"I got two of these through in the same week and I responded to the speeding one so I thought they would take the same details for the red light one"
"But you got a reminder - didn't you realise something ... ?"
"No - I don't really read it properly - I know I should have - like I say, I'm a NIGHTMARE (really nervous giggle)"
"I'm afraid 'being a nightmare' isn't an adequate defence. Your problem now is that the 6 points we have to impose for this offence will take you to 12 ..."
"No - I've only got 3 points so far ... haven't I ?"
"I regret that DVLA records show you have 6 point so far - 3 for defective tyres and 3 for speeding."
"Oh - I just thought there was a fine and not any points - I think .... I didn't really ..."
(completing the sentence in my head) ... didn't really read the fines notices properly because I'm a nightmare
"I'm afraid that we will have to arrange another session to discuss the ban - it is possible that you can claim 'Exceptional Hardship' - I'm assuming you need your car for work ?"
"Oh yes, I'm a nurse"
Yeek ! She doesn't read forms and she's rotten at administration and she gives powerful drugs to sick people.
Now, that's what I call a nightmare.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Father and Son
The man in the dock did not look capable of all the assaults he had admitted to. He was short and skinny and his hair was greying and receding. He was quite a successful tradesman and lived in one of the better parts of one of the bigger towns in my patch.
But there hadn't been a mistake. Here was a man whose default reaction to stress or perceived slight seems to be to beat someone up. In the case of his wife his assaults included considerable mental cruelty in addition to actual violence. He also terrorised the children by telling them that he was "going to kill grandpa" or "throw mummy through the window". Reading between the lines of the CAVA reports, his abuse of the children was not only mental, but this wasn't part of the charge against him.
We declined jurisdiction and passed the case up the Crown Court where a more suitable sentence could be handed down. He had been behaving himself on highly conditional bail so far, so we were inclined to grant it again.
Not surprisingly the conditions on his bail included non-contact with his wife and the children. The defence lawyer, however, made an attempt to convince us, now that he had pleaded guilty and that they were no longer witnesses, to allow him to see his kids. One of his little boys had given evidence against him on video link and was reportedly feeling guilt because his evidence was putting daddy in prison.
Please, Your Worships, would you please let a father see his seven year old son so that he can reassure the boy that he did the right thing and that daddy still loves him? Heartbreaking stuff.
There was no confirmation from the mother that she was fine with this, so we really couldn't take the accused's word on the situation - for all we knew he would use this order from the court as yet another weapon against his wife. And could we trust that his intentions to the son were as honourable and pure as his lawyer suggested ?
So, no - we didn't allow this. There's always a tension between the criminal's human rights and protection of their victims, but in this case I think we did good. Some days in court you are faced with the most hopeless situations where no decision you make will make things better. You just need to do what feels like the right thing and hope that it turns out to have the least bad result.
But there hadn't been a mistake. Here was a man whose default reaction to stress or perceived slight seems to be to beat someone up. In the case of his wife his assaults included considerable mental cruelty in addition to actual violence. He also terrorised the children by telling them that he was "going to kill grandpa" or "throw mummy through the window". Reading between the lines of the CAVA reports, his abuse of the children was not only mental, but this wasn't part of the charge against him.
We declined jurisdiction and passed the case up the Crown Court where a more suitable sentence could be handed down. He had been behaving himself on highly conditional bail so far, so we were inclined to grant it again.
Not surprisingly the conditions on his bail included non-contact with his wife and the children. The defence lawyer, however, made an attempt to convince us, now that he had pleaded guilty and that they were no longer witnesses, to allow him to see his kids. One of his little boys had given evidence against him on video link and was reportedly feeling guilt because his evidence was putting daddy in prison.
Please, Your Worships, would you please let a father see his seven year old son so that he can reassure the boy that he did the right thing and that daddy still loves him? Heartbreaking stuff.
There was no confirmation from the mother that she was fine with this, so we really couldn't take the accused's word on the situation - for all we knew he would use this order from the court as yet another weapon against his wife. And could we trust that his intentions to the son were as honourable and pure as his lawyer suggested ?
So, no - we didn't allow this. There's always a tension between the criminal's human rights and protection of their victims, but in this case I think we did good. Some days in court you are faced with the most hopeless situations where no decision you make will make things better. You just need to do what feels like the right thing and hope that it turns out to have the least bad result.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Canard Défoncé
I love the story of the French farmer who, when nicked for posession of 5kg of wacky-backy, basically claimed it was for personal use - just him and his ducks. Excellent for worming them he says. Probably means they don't have problems with cataracts as well. You would hope they don't get the symptoms of bad short-term memory loss and paranoia - although I would pay good money to see an absent-minded paranoid duck.
Haven't seen a lot of marijuana possession charges in court recently - I suspect the police are taking care of this particular business, rather than it having gone out of fashion.
It all takes me back to my interview to become a magistrate - I was asked to rank the following offences in order of seriousness and give my reasoning :-
(a) assault police officer (one punch in the face while being arrested)
(b) domestic violence (some bruising)
(c) driving without tax and insurance
(d) shoplifting (frozen chicken)
(e) driving recklessly near a school
and
(f) student possessing a single cannabis joint
Try it yourself and then try answering the question "So you chose (x) as the least serious - why don't you think it's a serious matter ?"
I'll not tell you my ordering, but I did put (d) last. I can understand why someone would put (f) last. But to me, someone who support the illegal drugs industry is much more dangerous than someone desperate enough to steal a frozen chicken.
And guess which category of villain most often ends up getting a custodial sentence ?
Haven't seen a lot of marijuana possession charges in court recently - I suspect the police are taking care of this particular business, rather than it having gone out of fashion.
It all takes me back to my interview to become a magistrate - I was asked to rank the following offences in order of seriousness and give my reasoning :-
(a) assault police officer (one punch in the face while being arrested)
(b) domestic violence (some bruising)
(c) driving without tax and insurance
(d) shoplifting (frozen chicken)
(e) driving recklessly near a school
and
(f) student possessing a single cannabis joint
Try it yourself and then try answering the question "So you chose (x) as the least serious - why don't you think it's a serious matter ?"
I'll not tell you my ordering, but I did put (d) last. I can understand why someone would put (f) last. But to me, someone who support the illegal drugs industry is much more dangerous than someone desperate enough to steal a frozen chicken.
And guess which category of villain most often ends up getting a custodial sentence ?
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