The bits of Africa that aren't being blown-up are dying of hunger and preventable disease.
There are people in this country that are living on the streets and children are suffering. Meanwhile billions are being won and lost in the Devil's Casino that is the Stock Market.
Take your choice of ecological crisis. We're all doomed.
But the Daily Mail newspaper is on the case. They have started a petition to stop the plan to mint a new 50p piece that doesn't have the representation of Britannia on it.
Get a grip, you simpleminded, rabble-rousing flag-wavers. Remove your head from your fundament, find an issue that actually matters and then maybe people would think about signing one of your sleazy petitions, if they could bear to pick up your execrable rag without vomiting.
...
Phew! Feel better for that.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Drowning in the Black Scholes
As a one-time Mathematician and keen observer of Financial madness, I very much enjoyed reading an article that brought the two together.
Financial derivatives traded on capital markets can be really quite complex, but in fact the ones cack-handedly traded by the French rogue-trader were about as simple as they come.
When you read "Derivative", think "Health Insurance". With Health Insurance it is money down the drain if you "win" (i.e don't get sick) and a considerable comfort if you "lose". This consolation-prize approach is known as "Hedging". You can hedge a little of the risk, or all of the risk, or in the case of our "crazy frog", you can over-hedge for reasons not yet known and end up losing billions.
So how much should insurance companies charge for "Health Insurance" ? If the price is too high you'd be better off taking the risk of getting sick and insurance companies would never sell any policies.
There's some heavy-duty Nobel Prize-winning Mathematics called the Black-Scholes equations that put values on such things. I find the languages of these equations surprising : who would have predicted that chemistry terms such as "Brownian motion" and "Diffusion" would make an appearance in a Financial problem ?
Bizarrely enough this is because the equations turn out to be a special case of something more general in Mathematics called Heat Equations which were originally used to model the flow of heat in two objects of different temperature placed next to each other. Or,as Albert Einstein put it in his 1905 paper : "Über die von der molekularkinetischen Theorie der Wärme geforderte Bewegung von in ruhenden Flüssigkeiten suspendierten Teilchen." Quite.
The important thing to remember here is that no matter how many Maths PhDs and computers the traders throw at the Financial Markets, they will never quite be able to reduce them to the predictability of two bits of hot metal.
Humans are involved in Financial Markets, and some of these are quite, quite mad.
Financial derivatives traded on capital markets can be really quite complex, but in fact the ones cack-handedly traded by the French rogue-trader were about as simple as they come.
When you read "Derivative", think "Health Insurance". With Health Insurance it is money down the drain if you "win" (i.e don't get sick) and a considerable comfort if you "lose". This consolation-prize approach is known as "Hedging". You can hedge a little of the risk, or all of the risk, or in the case of our "crazy frog", you can over-hedge for reasons not yet known and end up losing billions.
So how much should insurance companies charge for "Health Insurance" ? If the price is too high you'd be better off taking the risk of getting sick and insurance companies would never sell any policies.
There's some heavy-duty Nobel Prize-winning Mathematics called the Black-Scholes equations that put values on such things. I find the languages of these equations surprising : who would have predicted that chemistry terms such as "Brownian motion" and "Diffusion" would make an appearance in a Financial problem ?
Bizarrely enough this is because the equations turn out to be a special case of something more general in Mathematics called Heat Equations which were originally used to model the flow of heat in two objects of different temperature placed next to each other. Or,as Albert Einstein put it in his 1905 paper : "Über die von der molekularkinetischen Theorie der Wärme geforderte Bewegung von in ruhenden Flüssigkeiten suspendierten Teilchen." Quite.
The important thing to remember here is that no matter how many Maths PhDs and computers the traders throw at the Financial Markets, they will never quite be able to reduce them to the predictability of two bits of hot metal.
Humans are involved in Financial Markets, and some of these are quite, quite mad.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Google News
If you look down the right column of this blog you will see the link called "View My Stats". A couple of extra clicks will take you to some of the basic details as to who is visiting and how in the heck they managed to find my unfashionable corner of CyberSpace.
Stealing the idea pretty well completely from Arctic Fox, here are some examples of how some of the last 100 visitors to this blog came to be here :-
(1) A Google User - Search String = "iain diack"
I'm glad Radio Free Stan is now recognised as a reference source for those looking for information on obscure (but heroic) Scottish footballers
(2) Another Google User - Search String = "wibbly wobbly timey wimey"
A reference to the Doctor Who "Blink" episode which I raved about blooming ages ago - still gets me more hits than nearly anything else. I blame repeats on Digital TV.
(3) Yet Another Google User - Search String = "she is ... than the ... among which she"
Someone still trying to solve an Araucaria "Mona Lisa" crossword from last month. The phrase you are looking for is : "She is older than the rocks among which she sits". And using Google to solve crosswords is cheating - tut tut.
(4) Oh no, not another Google User - Search String = "english poetry dead"
You would hope not.
(5) Here comes another Google User - Search String = "definition of a stan in hip hop culture"
I can only think they are wondering why the Eminem track "Stan" is so-called. Think it's just a name, homeboy.
(6) Last of the Google Users - Search String = "erotic radio for man"
Remember that posting I did that used as many dodgy words as I could think of for no good reason to see if I could bump up my number of visitors ? It worked.
Really not sure how you could do Erotic Radio, and even less idea how to make it appeal to the people on the Isle of Man. Why am I reminded me of the Scissor Sisters track "T*ts on the Radio" ?
So, in conclusion - everyone seems to use Google to the exclusion of all other search engines, and hardly anyone who finds their way here ever find what they are looking for.
Stealing the idea pretty well completely from Arctic Fox, here are some examples of how some of the last 100 visitors to this blog came to be here :-
(1) A Google User - Search String = "iain diack"
I'm glad Radio Free Stan is now recognised as a reference source for those looking for information on obscure (but heroic) Scottish footballers
(2) Another Google User - Search String = "wibbly wobbly timey wimey"
A reference to the Doctor Who "Blink" episode which I raved about blooming ages ago - still gets me more hits than nearly anything else. I blame repeats on Digital TV.
(3) Yet Another Google User - Search String = "she is ... than the ... among which she"
Someone still trying to solve an Araucaria "Mona Lisa" crossword from last month. The phrase you are looking for is : "She is older than the rocks among which she sits". And using Google to solve crosswords is cheating - tut tut.
(4) Oh no, not another Google User - Search String = "english poetry dead"
You would hope not.
(5) Here comes another Google User - Search String = "definition of a stan in hip hop culture"
I can only think they are wondering why the Eminem track "Stan" is so-called. Think it's just a name, homeboy.
(6) Last of the Google Users - Search String = "erotic radio for man"
Remember that posting I did that used as many dodgy words as I could think of for no good reason to see if I could bump up my number of visitors ? It worked.
Really not sure how you could do Erotic Radio, and even less idea how to make it appeal to the people on the Isle of Man. Why am I reminded me of the Scissor Sisters track "T*ts on the Radio" ?
So, in conclusion - everyone seems to use Google to the exclusion of all other search engines, and hardly anyone who finds their way here ever find what they are looking for.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Swearing
I am pleased to report that my application to become a Magistrate has continued to the next step - I have a first interview in three weeks time.
To accept the interview, I was expecting to have to sign some sort of parchment scroll with a shield on it in blood. In fact it was just a "delete as applicable" at the bottom of the letter.
Thanks to those of the readers who are my referees - you may be getting scary official-looking letters through your doors soon.
I'm doing some swotting-up and have found out that should I be successful I need to make the following oath.
(Clears Throat)
Hmm. Which made me wonder if it is even possible to be a servant of the Crown and yet be quite as anti-Monarchist as I am.
The Crown invented the idea of lay magistrates in the year 1195. In that year Richard 1 commissioned certain knights to preserve the peace in unruly areas. They were responsible to the King for ensuring that the law was upheld; they preserved the 'King's Peace' and were known as Keepers of the Peace.
I can just imagine these 12th Century Magistrates - obviously the baddest-asses among King Richard's knights. I'm guessing their ideas for "perserving the peace" did not involve ASBOs and Community Service. I'm guessing the only kind of "suspended sentence" they imposed was by suspending wrong-'uns by the neck from the nearest tree.
The Crown invented the idea of magistrates and even in our more sedate Constitutional Monarchy, the whole legal system is, at least in theory, subordinate to the Crown. I really should not have been so surprised - the signs are all around. "Crown Court". "Queen's Counsel". D'oh !
That said, the Prime Minister himself is a servant of the Crown, but we know what kind of mayhem would ensue if she ever, ever interferred even slightly in his decisions.
So, if I ever get to that stage, I would be happy to take that Oath. But maybe I'll mumble the bit about the Queen and be very, very clear on the bit about treating people fairly.
To accept the interview, I was expecting to have to sign some sort of parchment scroll with a shield on it in blood. In fact it was just a "delete as applicable" at the bottom of the letter.
Thanks to those of the readers who are my referees - you may be getting scary official-looking letters through your doors soon.
I'm doing some swotting-up and have found out that should I be successful I need to make the following oath.
(Clears Throat)
"I, Stanley Gamla, swear that I will well and truly serve our Sovereign Lady Queen Elizabeth the Second, in the office of Justice of the Peace and I will do right to all manner of people after the laws and usages of the Realm without fear or favour, affection or ill will."
Hmm. Which made me wonder if it is even possible to be a servant of the Crown and yet be quite as anti-Monarchist as I am.
The Crown invented the idea of lay magistrates in the year 1195. In that year Richard 1 commissioned certain knights to preserve the peace in unruly areas. They were responsible to the King for ensuring that the law was upheld; they preserved the 'King's Peace' and were known as Keepers of the Peace.
I can just imagine these 12th Century Magistrates - obviously the baddest-asses among King Richard's knights. I'm guessing their ideas for "perserving the peace" did not involve ASBOs and Community Service. I'm guessing the only kind of "suspended sentence" they imposed was by suspending wrong-'uns by the neck from the nearest tree.
The Crown invented the idea of magistrates and even in our more sedate Constitutional Monarchy, the whole legal system is, at least in theory, subordinate to the Crown. I really should not have been so surprised - the signs are all around. "Crown Court". "Queen's Counsel". D'oh !
That said, the Prime Minister himself is a servant of the Crown, but we know what kind of mayhem would ensue if she ever, ever interferred even slightly in his decisions.
So, if I ever get to that stage, I would be happy to take that Oath. But maybe I'll mumble the bit about the Queen and be very, very clear on the bit about treating people fairly.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Iain Diack : Man of the Day
Today, I watched the football scores on the Sky Sports News Channel from an exercise bike with an integrated TV screen.
There is no part of that last sentence that our grandparents would have understood, least of all why someone would want to spend their leisure time that way.
Peterhead were beating Berwick Rangers 8-1. I had watched the score pile up and wondered if Peterhead could make it into double-figures. Then it became 8-2 and I gave out a whoop that got me stared at by all the people in the gym who weren't listening to mp3 players (not many in other words).
I had in mind a rain-soaked, muddy pitch with the wind blowing cruelly off the sea. I imagined a few dozen fans (590 officially) huddled together for warmth - one or two of whom had made the trip up from Berwick to see their team get humped. I imagined the Berwick goalie - worn-out from picking the ball out the back of the net.
And yet someone in the Berwick team had been able to summon the motivation to turn a seven-goal losing margin into a six-goal losing margin. Good man !
The hero concerned is Iain Diack who I would like to nominate for a Knighthood - for his services to Hope. Despite being only 26 he has played for Stenhousemuir, Albion Rovers, East Stirling, Morton and Arbroath.
The final score was 9-2.
There is no part of that last sentence that our grandparents would have understood, least of all why someone would want to spend their leisure time that way.
Peterhead were beating Berwick Rangers 8-1. I had watched the score pile up and wondered if Peterhead could make it into double-figures. Then it became 8-2 and I gave out a whoop that got me stared at by all the people in the gym who weren't listening to mp3 players (not many in other words).
I had in mind a rain-soaked, muddy pitch with the wind blowing cruelly off the sea. I imagined a few dozen fans (590 officially) huddled together for warmth - one or two of whom had made the trip up from Berwick to see their team get humped. I imagined the Berwick goalie - worn-out from picking the ball out the back of the net.
And yet someone in the Berwick team had been able to summon the motivation to turn a seven-goal losing margin into a six-goal losing margin. Good man !
The hero concerned is Iain Diack who I would like to nominate for a Knighthood - for his services to Hope. Despite being only 26 he has played for Stenhousemuir, Albion Rovers, East Stirling, Morton and Arbroath.
The final score was 9-2.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)