The Master

Mrs Stan and I went down to London for a few days. Not difficult to decide what Show we were going to see - John Simm in "Elling".

After producing the two best performances on TV this year (Sam Tyler in "Life on Mars" and The Master in "Doctor Who"), I couldn't resist seeing him attempt a mad Norwegian mummy's-boy on the stage.

I was certainly not disappointed - a totally believable portrayal - an extraordinary physical performance. The scale of his achievement was not fully apparent until he came back for the ovation. Although he had not changed costume or removed makeup, he was totally transformed from the awkward misfit he had been for the previous two hours. He seemed at least a foot taller and 100 IQ points smarter. Quite some trick.

I'm between jobs at the moment, and I've been gloriously wasting my time watching DVD box-sets - expect my reviews of "Huff" and "Deadwood" sometime soon. Especially "Deadwood" - quite teh most immersive experience I've had for a while.

The 3:30 at Chepstow

I'm in the middle of my own pity party. Attendees? Me.

My legs don't work so I can't get the 60 miles to work. Wheel-chaired for two weeks, stick for more etc. etc. Cracked open head from said crap legs giving way -- Lordy. Bad enough that I haven't been sent any work to do remotely so my brain does not implode with daytime TV. The only upside to daytime TV is Countdown's Suzie Dent. She has the most beautiful smile.

My internet connection is down (my own company provides it) and I cannot figure out what the hell is wrong. We had a lightning strike a couple of weeks ago and yet, despite getting two new routers, I have not managed to fix the damned thing. Lucky for me some muppet around here has absolutely zero security on their wireless access so I suppose that is one thing that is vaguely good.

I'm infested with flying ants that are driving me nuts.

And just as I'm thinking it could not possibly get any worse, I get a law-suit filed against me for £16000 by my ex-wife. We've been apart for 10 years now -- how that logic works, I will never know.

Anyway, pull up a chair, a smoke and a brandy and let Uncle Kenny make you wish you were having needles poked in your eyes.

The world really is a beautiful place.

Not Cricket, But So What

I can't believe I got to the age of 40 before seeing my very first game of Diamond Cricket.

Take two large teams of children - set out four wickets in a diamond - give four of the kids plastic cricket bats, and then put a teacher in the middle to bowl or throw a plastic ball at whatever wicket (or child) they feel like.

Total mayhem on a scale that makes 20/20 Cricket seem pedestrian. Would definitely pay to see it played at Test level by the England and West Indies Under 12s.

One Suit, One Geek, One Girl

I've been in the position of needing to buy a lot of IT services and equipment over the years, and I've had a lot of visits from vendor pre-sales teams.

It's uncanny the number of times you get a team of three (the number you can comfortably fit in a Mondeo with luggage on a long journey?):-

* A Suit - a usually older, smiling man/woman in a tailored suit/trouser-suit wearing an expensive watch/dangly jewellry. His/her sole purpose is to spout empty weasel words ('Total Cost of Ownership', 'Synergy', 'Speed to Market'). He/she's usually the one with the Gold Amex, so good for some food and plenty drink at least, so not a total waste of space..

* A Geek - Lost-in-space tech-head with an IQ of 190, who knows the product inside-out and back-to-front. Plus he actually knows how to work the projector. I say "he" because they are almost always male.

* A Girl - Young, smiling, helpful. Often looks good in a skirt. In a small vendor company, the girl can also double as the Suit or the Geek. But I swear, in a large number of cases, the Girl was there purely to look good in a skirt. She had neither technical prowess nor weasel smarminess. Why was she there ? Why not send me a spare geek ?

Here's my question : do IT companies use attractive girls to sell product to mostly male decision-makers ? It's hard to imagine that the same techniques used to sell cars at a motorshow or lager at a Grand Prix could really work with accounting software, but maybe I'm totally naive. Or a sexist throwback - my mind is totally open on the subject.

Personally, I'd want three geeks every time - but how typical am I ?

For the record, I've worked in IT for and with women of awesome intellect and charisma, whos laptop power cables I was not fit to carry. Sending women of that calibre I wouldn't have an issue with. But why send me girls ?

I'm only girly over at Stan's

I've just had radio 4 on for the lunchtime news. It was sickening. Yeah, there are wars going on all over the place where people die, but there was one story that literally turned my stomach. Some bloke in Lincolnshire murdered his own parents.

I heard this literally ten minutes after I had been on Cruella's blog and followed her link to the blog about ECT (I am too lazy to put in the links, but Cruella is linked from here and her post points you to the post about ECT). I'm more liberal than Stan would believe and was outraged about the ECT stats; I seriously cannot get my head around that at all. I left a comment. And then I listened to the news. Good God. Talk about a recalibration? If you are that sick in the head that you can murder your own parents, what we need is a blunt instrument inserted into the temple and wiggled laterally -- that is your classic labotomy.

The lady who wrote about women being three times more likely to be subject to ECT has a very definite point. I know equal amounts of women and men. Thankfully, as far as I know, they are both equally sensitive to others and there is no pathos. It's a well believed theory that men have less sensitivity but, to be honest, that is utter rubbish. We're human and we feel just as much as women do; in some cases more. So for women to be three times more likely to be subject to electric shock treatment, it's utter madness and I can understand completely why the lady in question raised the issue. It is absolutely unacceptable to fry people for being a particular gender. Yes -- hang the bastards who would blow us all into smithereens, but please, if a woman is suffering from post-natal depression, have the decency to let her get on with it and get over it. Sending a few volts through her (and yes, I know, it's not the volts, it's the amps) is not going to help her or her child in any way, shape or form.

I think I'm falling in love with Cruella -- she's always dead-on. Like Bryony Gordon from the Telegraph, I have never once disagreed with a word she has written. Maybe I'm sexist for listening to women more than men. All that would prove is that Cruella is right and that women do think deeper than men. Or it could be that I'm smitten by the opposite sex and fascinated with their thoughts.

Whatever. Follow the Cruella link and read it; it's horrific. My obsessions are not of real import.